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How to Make Your Relationship Better - 10 Proven Techniques

By Gottman Connect Staff

Published on 11/18/2022

If you want to learn how to make your relationship better and stronger with proven techniques, you are in the right place. We have all the details and resources you need to make the most out of your partnership and spend your life in happiness. 


With Gottman Connect you will find the resolution and be one of many success stories. 

Focus on the Positive

Having a positive outlook will help you maintain a good relationship. The marriage is more likely to last if both parties focus on the good aspects of it.

How to Focus on the Positive in Your Relationship?

This approach may be difficult at first, but it is one of the most effective strategies to get over the hard patches and continue building a better relationship with your spouse.

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

  • Be mindful when you speak - Change your negative statements to positive ones. For example, instead of saying "We rarely communicate," you could say "We frequently have fantastic conversations"
  • Contribute - Make daily contributions to your emotional bank accounts and reinforce your relationship. A simple “Thank you” can do wonders
  • Intentional Appreciation - Make positive statements and frequently encourage your partner

How to Help Your Partner Focus on the Positive in Your Relationship?

Your partner may be accustomed to dwelling on the negative, but there are certain ways to better your relationship together.

You can help them by:

  1. Reminding them of the wonderful reasons you fell in love
  2. Practicing gentle communication and patience
  3. When the conversation gets heated, change the focus away from the debate. "I love you and I'm on your side," you might add as a gentle reminder that the goal is to improve together

Learn How to Argue

Because two individuals cannot agree on everything, arguments are a part of any relationship. But there is a fine line that can be crossed and a debate gets overwhelming.

Making a relationship better requires learning how to argue, resolve conflicts, and gracefully exit.

How to Learn How to Argue in Your Relationship

Given that arguing may be extremely helpful and beneficial to your relationship, it's critical to understand how to argue without offending your companion.

You need to:

  • Soften your “Start Up” - In every case, approach your partner with love and without accusation. Instead of saying "Don't forget our anniversary," say "Honey, our anniversary is coming up, and I'd like to make plans with you"
  • Exit the argument - Rather than escalating, you can gracefully exit. "I've got your back. We'll get through this," might comfort your partner

How to Help Your Partner Learn How to Argue in Your Relationship

Commitment to achieving a better relationship frequently entails adjustments, which means you may just have to help your spouse in learning how to argue.

  1. Give them a clear indication that you need a break. Say something along the lines of "I can understand how passionate you are about this issue, but I need a few moments to think"
  2. Allow them to leave without judgment if the dispute becomes too heated

Work on Yourself

Dr. Gottman advises you to spend some time being "selfish." This may seem counterintuitive when considering ways to better your relationship, yet it is what experts feel will have the most impact.

How to Work on Yourself in Your Relationship?

Outside of the relationship, happiness with oneself is critical to experiencing joy with a spouse. Simply being with someone does not negate the need for alone time. 

You can:

  • Work out - Physical activity can help you develop a sense of self-worth and alleviate stress;
  • Enjoy a hobby - Reading, cleaning, or collecting items might be something you love;
  • Meditate - Simply take some time to be alone and think about the things you might be grateful for.

How to Help Your Partner to Work on Themselves in Your Relationship?

While your loved one may have difficulty focusing on themselves when the relationship is not going well, you can definitely help.

  1. Support their hobbies and passion
  2. Allow them to have valuable alone time guilt-free
  3. Encourage them to see friends or pursue new interests

Seek Couples Therapy

It's crucial to remember that early intervention is usually the most beneficial in marriage and relationship counseling. Seek help immediately, rather than waiting for divorce paperwork.

How to Implement Couples Therapy in Your Relationship?

Couples therapy is a complex process where you and your partner go through various assessments and coaching to have a better relationship.

  • Start early - Average couples acknowledge that they have a problem only after 7 years, so you need to react sooner
  • Be open-minded - The professionals know how to make your relationship better you just need to be honest and willing

How to Help Your Partner Use this Technique in Your Relationship?

If you want to help your partner learn how to better your relationship you will need to show them the possible positive outcomes.

  1. Talk about the odds of getting a better relationship - over 70% of couples say it saved their marriage
  2. Be prepared to communicate and convince them you are on the same side
  3. Suggest online groups you can join

Spend Quality Time Together

If you are looking for ways to make your relationship better you need to consider the time spent together. Focus on quality rather than quantity.

How to Spend Quality Time Together in Your Relationship?

Improve your relations with a few simple tricks that will make you move forward and grow closer. This might include:

  • Date nights
  • Meaningful discussions
  • Affection
  • One-on-one time

How to Help Your Partner to Spend Quality Time Together in Your Relationship?

People often forget that relationships need nurturing to improve, so you can remind your wife or husband about quality time.

  1. Make arrangements for a night out
  2. Engage in their hobbies
  3. Make plans together

Spend Time Apart

Making your relationship better often includes spending some time away from your partner. This will allow you to focus on the things you love and at the same time look forward to meeting your spouse again.

How to Spend Time Apart in Your Relationship?

Building a life together entails far more than simply surviving day to day. Allowing the other person to grow and thrive outside of the partnership requires love and dedication.


  • Pursuing your interests
  • Make a group of close friends
  • Encourage your spouse to socialize

How to Help Your Partner Spend Time Apart in Your Relationship?

Your partner might need your strength to make it through. You can:

  1. Build a trusting foundation
  2. Support their hobbies
  3. Show understanding for “alone-time”
  4. Be Opened for Communication

Speak to your partner often as it’s one of the best things to do in a relationship to make it better. Be ready to listen and choose your words carefully.

How to Be Open for Communication in Your Relationship?

Sharing the deepest thoughts and feelings with your partner will increase intimacy and create a stronger bond.

You want to:

  • Improve communication skills - Take a few classes and learn how to be a good listener
  • Make time to talk - Dedicate time each day for simple catch-ups with your husband or wife.

How to Help Your Partner Be Open for Communication in Your Relationship?

Some people need additional motivation to be open for a conversation, so you might have to remind your partner that you are on the same team.

  • Ask them what they might want to talk about
  • Listen carefully whenever they share something with you - showing interest always encourages further communication

Do Little Things to Increase Satisfaction

Never underestimate the power of small gestures to improve your relationship. As famous novelist Jenny Downham says “We make patterns, we share moments.”

How to Incorporate Little Things in Your Relationship?

There are many ways to show appreciation and build a positive relationship. Here are a couple of suggestions:

  • Make an effort to praise your partner
  • Always keep the intimacy alive with frequent physical touch
  • Make small gifts from time to time

How to Help Your Partner with Little Things in Your Relationship?

The best way to motivate your spouse is to:

  1. Show affection and be grateful for every little act of kindness. 
  2. Say “Thank you” and “I love you” often.

Focus on Intimacy

Intimacy and sex are crucial for any relationship and those aspects often get dismissed when daily life and stress take over. When people ask “What can I do to make my relationship better?” experts always insist on steps to improve intimacy.

How to Focus on Intimacy in Your Relationship?

Couples who have sex once a week are 44% more likely to have positive feelings about their relationship. These statistics might encourage you to:

How to Help Your Partner Focus on Intimacy in Your Relationship?

If you want to make sure you and your partner are working together on ways to make a relationship better you can help them by:

  1. Being open-minded and communicating about what feels right
  2. Shop for toys, accessories, or sexual wellness items together
  3. Show understanding for days without sexual desire

Share New Experiences

While a good schedule is beneficial for many things, long-term relationships require diversity to keep things interesting. So, make sure to follow the guide and try new things.

How to Share New Experiences in Your Relationship?

A better relationship often includes new and interesting experiences along the way. Just like dating, serious commitment still needs some excitement.

Here are a couple of examples:

  • Try taking classes together - Cooking or dancing are amazing ways to have fun and build affection
  • Be adventurous - New skills like rock climbing or just camping can be a good way to rely on your partner and build trust

How to Help Your Partner Share New Experiences in Your Relationship?

Being in a rut can devastate a relationship so you might want to inspire your partner:

  • Be spontaneous
  • Start with smaller excursions and assess your satisfaction together
  • Make an agreement to look for new adventures and take turns

Did You Know?

Relationship success rates rise significantly when couples seek outside help. 

Relationship Counseling Approaches Success Rates  

Couples counseling in the 1980s


Couples counseling now


Improvement in 20 sessions


Marriage without counseling 



Final Thoughts

There are many ways to a better relationship and building a life-long loving environment. Follow our guide for the best results and also consider using these helpful resources:

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